| 0;The primary task of Leadership is emotional. | | | | To become Emotionally Resilient we need to |
| People don’t leave their feelings at home | | | | understand three key points about dealing with |
| when they go out the door. Leaders help their | | | | our feelings. |
| people focus their emotions in a positive | | | | #1 Feelings are Facts- People may not like what |
| direction.” | | | | they are feeling (rejected when someone |
| - Harvard Business School | | | | doesn’t return a call or hurt if their best |
| The American Management Association released a | | | | friend isn’t interested in joining their |
| statistic that stated 90% of the firings, quittings | | | | business) but it is their reality. Many of us try to |
| and lack of productivity in American business are | | | | deny our feelings or glass them over with positive |
| created by people not getting along with other | | | | self talk. The truth is feelings are very much in |
| people. In other words, the feelings and emotions | | | | control of their energy and attitude about |
| of your people are responsible for 90% of the | | | | business. |
| problems that plague your company. | | | | #2 There are only two ways feelings can be |
| This is a relationship business; we grow, succeed, | | | | expressed, “out” or |
| and feel valued by the relationships we develop. | | | | “in”- If they internalize their |
| These relationships are subject to | | | | feelings it can eat at them and make them feel |
| disappointments, hurt, rejection, and other | | | | depressed, hopeless and frustrated. When |
| negative feelings. Research shows that 80% of | | | | I’m coaching people, the most frequent |
| people in Direct Selling are women. Developing | | | | emotional response to building their businesses is |
| resilience within your sales force means each | | | | frustration. They are mad at their down line for |
| person will need to be taught the various cycles | | | | not producing, for over-promising results that |
| and strategies, enabling them to handle their | | | | they don’t meet. Being nice people, they |
| feelings, instead of letting disappointments stop or | | | | don’t tell others that they are frustrated. |
| de-focus their energy from their business. | | | | Instead they walk around with knots in their neck |
| In your Direct Selling Company everyone has the | | | | and back pains. That’s internalizing |
| same product to sell and everyone has the same | | | | negative feelings and it becomes a joy and |
| opportunities to succeed. So why do some people | | | | energy drain. |
| shoot to the top while others struggle endlessly? | | | | #3 The emotionally healthy way of processing |
| The leaders in your company know that you can | | | | feelings is to first accept what they feel. If |
| spend thousands of dollars training your people on | | | | they’re mad, they’re mad, if |
| product knowledge, sales techniques and recruiting | | | | they’re sad, they’re sad. Next |
| skills, but if they don’t feel good, they | | | | they need to express outwardly what they feel; |
| don’t work. To overcome this, they need | | | | walking around thinking about it doesn’t |
| specific training in Emotional Resiliency. Emotional | | | | count (that’s called obsessing). Find a |
| Resiliency is the ability to quickly bounce back | | | | friend, coach, or therapist and talk about the |
| once you have encountered problems in dealing | | | | feelings. The last step is after they have fully |
| with other people. | | | | expressed the feeling- release it. Be done with it. |
| To become more Emotionally Resilient, we need | | | | This is when they can forgive themselves or the |
| to understand the Cycles of Change. These | | | | other person. |
| cycles are predictable and repetitive. We not only | | | | In my seminars, I emphasize this is an emotional |
| experience them in our life but in our businesses | | | | business. People buy in the business on an |
| as well. Your leaders and consultants need to | | | | emotional high, and they buy out of the business |
| understand these cycles and identify which one | | | | on an emotional low. What the dropouts fail to |
| they are in. | | | | realize is that everyone in the business feels |
| The four Cycles of Change are as follows: | | | | negative emotions from time to time. Successful |
| 1) Go for It | | | | people aren’t immune to negative feelings, |
| 2) The Doldrums | | | | they’ve just learned to manage their |
| 3) Cocooning | | | | feelings, rather than let their feelings manage |
| 4) Getting Ready | | | | them. When successful people hit a low, they |
| 1) Go for It: This is the high point of the cycle. | | | | don’t drop out. They persevere in the |
| It’s the Honeymoon period with a new | | | | face of adversity, recognizing that low periods |
| recruit. Self talk is characterized by thoughts like, | | | | don’t’ last forever. |
| “I’m doing the work I want to do. | | | | The three most common negative feelings your |
| It’s fabulous! I’m loving it, having | | | | people will experience are disappointment, anger, |
| fun and making money! I’m achieving my | | | | and depression. |
| goals, feeling good about myself and the choices I | | | | 1). Disappointment: The root cause of |
| make.” During the “Go for | | | | disappointment originates with unrealistic |
| It” phase, they feel confident, in control, | | | | expectations of ourselves and others. When they |
| fulfilled. Then something unexpected happens, like | | | | EXPECT others to always behave in a way that |
| an illness, or a falling out with a friend, or a key | | | | benefits them, then they’re just setting |
| person in their organization drops out. As a result, | | | | themselves up for disappointment. Unrealistic |
| negative emotions flare up as they move into a | | | | self-talk, such as “They should return my |
| lower cycle. | | | | phone calls” or “They should work |
| 2) The Doldrums: Research shows that your new | | | | as hard as I do,” just invite |
| business partner will enter this cycle 6 to 8 weeks | | | | disappointment. Disappointment is something they |
| after being recruited. They will have recruited their | | | | do to themselves. When they say things like, |
| friends and relatives and have now hit | | | | “I should be making more money,” |
| uncertainties about their ability to succeed. This | | | | they’re measuring themselves against an |
| phase is characterized by self doubt. They feel | | | | expectation. Instead, they should measure |
| out of sync. They’re stuck in a low point, | | | | themselves by their actions, not their results. Do |
| they’re pessimistic, and they can’t | | | | the right thing enough times, and the results will |
| see the way out. They may feel slightly | | | | come. |
| depressed, perhaps even deeply depressed. They | | | | 2). Anger: Everybody in this business gets |
| lack energy and direction. They can’t | | | | frustrated from time to time. Maybe they get |
| motivate themselves to pick up the phone and | | | | tired of hearing “no.” Maybe their |
| make the next call because they dread the | | | | husband isn’t as supportive as |
| perceived outcome. | | | | they’d like. They can try to analyze or |
| 3) Cocooning: During this stage of the business | | | | contain their anger, but that doesn’t |
| cycle, they become more introspective. They go | | | | defuse it. The best way to deal with anger is to |
| inward, asking questions, seeking answers to their | | | | protest it (getting your anger out). Take five |
| roles in life, questioning their values, searching for | | | | minutes and stomp around a bit. Pound a pillow or |
| a new identity. They start to reassess their | | | | vent to a friend. Get the anger OUT, for anger |
| passion and purpose with probing questions like, | | | | turned inward becomes depression. One exercise |
| “What is my purpose? Do I want to | | | | I teach to help people get their anger out is to |
| continue in my business? Am I doing the work I | | | | have them imaging firing all of the people who |
| love?” The completion of this phase leads | | | | won’t follow directions. Give yourself |
| to feelings of rebirth and self-renewal, which | | | | permission in your fantasy to fire the people who |
| gradually evolves into the final stage of the cycle. | | | | frustrate you buy pointing at them like Donald |
| 4) Getting Ready: In this phase, they are moving | | | | Trump in The Apprentice and shouting |
| from inward questioning to outward action. They | | | | “You’re fired!” This |
| start experimenting by doing things | | | | exercise will get their energy back and move |
| they’ve been putting off or trying new | | | | them through obsessing. |
| activities. They pick up the phone and call those | | | | 3). Depression: Here’s an alarming statistic: |
| people who were interested six months ago. | | | | 87% of women are depressed at some time in |
| They take classes, ask questions, read books, | | | | their lives. Most depression is situational depression. |
| enroll in seminars, and start dreaming again. They | | | | An event in our lives sends them into a |
| start to reformulate the vision they have for their | | | | temporary tailspin. Depression is characterized by |
| business and life. The knowledge and self | | | | lack of energy, no excitement, no focus, no |
| confidence they’ve gained encourages | | | | passion in life, chronic sadness, and sleep problems. |
| them to become even bolder. They’re | | | | Situational depression can be resolved by |
| right back in the “Go for It” stage | | | | protesting it, exercising, or talking with a therapist |
| of the life cycle. | | | | or coach. People with long-term depression, six |
| Everyone goes through predictable and repetitive | | | | months or more, need to be evaluated by a |
| Cycles of Change. These cycles are fueled by | | | | physician. |
| feelings. The more Emotionally Resilient they are | | | | All of us will experience the roller coaster of |
| the longer they can stay in the positive feelings | | | | emotions in our business. The Emotionally Resilient |
| and the quicker they can exit the negative ones. | | | | will effectively exit this roller coaster and come |
| But no matter how positive they are or how | | | | out a success. |
| adaptable, all of us will go through these cycles. | | | | |